Provenance

By Julie Rahm

My husband, John, has just finished my annual punishment. This punishment comes once a year and lasts for about two days. This punishment spectacle is a TV broadcast on the Speed Channel. Exactly! You have guessed correctly. For two days, we watch the Barrett-Jackson Collector Car Auction. The Barrett-Jackson Collector Car Auction is held once a year in Scottsdale, Arizona. Actually, there are other auctions in Palm Beach, Las Vegas and Orange County. Fortunately, John views these other auctions as junior varsity events and doesn’t watch them. The big painful one is held in Scottsdale. I hate the watching the auction. Unlike my husband, I am not a muscle-car aficionado. I had my formative years in the eighties not the seventies. I also think the lust for cars comes with the Y chromosome. Regardless of my outcries for compassion, we faithfully watch the auction every year. I persevere through the two day event by diverting my attention and watching the hair on my legs grow. I do not understand the fascination with cars much less the prices paid for these old relics. John would like an old Corvette, purchase price around two hundred thousand dollars, so we can drive it in the Croakerfest Parade! There must be an old high school wrestling injury to John’s head. Amazingly, all the other men I know think this purchase a worthwhile idea!


However, this television car auction from hell has taught me one valuable lesson. I’ve learned that more provenance equals more value. Provenance comes from the French word provenir. Provenir refers to the chronology of ownership. Documented evidence of provenance for a car can help establish it is not a reproduction, been altered or stolen. For a car, establishing provenance is essentially a matter of documentation. People also have provenance. Birth certificates and certificates of baptism provide provenance for individuals. But, personal provenance is more than birth documentation. Personal provenance includes a sense of family lineage. I have clients who are adrift in life. Part of their challenge is their lack of family history. The lost have no ties to the past and are therefore adrift in the present. Look to your family past to understand who you are. My family history lies in the Nebraska corn fields. Hence, my work ethic and values are no surprise. John’s history comes from the anthracite coal mines in Pennsylvania. Mental and physical toughness are a part of his family culture. So, my message this week is to encourage development of your own provenance. If you don’t know, find out from where, and who, you came. In order to understand who and where you are, you must understand your multi-generational family history. Knowing thyself should begin with a lesson in your family history. Like a car at the Barrett-Jackson Collector Car Auction, the more provenance you carry in your psyche, the more valuable you will become to yourself and others. For more insights I invite you to follow my blogs at www.AmericasMindsetMechanic.com and www.MilitaryKidsSpeak.com

Ingredients

By Julie Rahm

"The secret is there is no secret ingredient!"
Po the Kung Fu Panda, who blinds people
with his sheer awesomeness

Despite the rumors, I am an outstanding cook. My mother made that certain. I did all the household cooking before my husband, John retired from Marine Corps. Now, John spends a good deal of time at home and contributes to the cooking. His contributions have not been easy. The Marine Corps did not prepare John for battle in the kitchen. But, he is a quick learner and his cooking skills have improved dramatically. However, there are so many kitchen lessons we take for granted. For instance, olives are not vegetables. Olives are fruit. Hence, olive oil is not necessarily a good substitute for vegetable oil. Along the same lines, baking soda is not a suitable substitute for baking powder! Chili pepper is not a good substitute for black pepper. Even worse was John’s Picante Sauce for Spaghetti Sauce swap. Granted, the logic holds. Both are red, made with tomatoes and come in jars. But, the Mexican Spaghetti had too much culinary clash for me. It was the spiciest spaghetti I ever tasted!

I empathize. It is difficult to know what you do not know. The Marine Corps trained John to improvise, adapt and overcome. While useful in armed conflict, this strategy should not be a standing order in the kitchen. Also, John doesn’t like to ask questions. He was a single seat fighter pilot and, as the only one in the jet, was trained to face challenges on his own. At the risk of sounding sexist, men generally won’t ask for directions while driving the car or cooking in the kitchen. However, I’m convinced anyone can cook. Recipes are easy to follow. Problems arise when the required ingredients are not in the kitchen pantry. Substitution is fraught with culinary risk. Often, I hear John complain about our lack of proper ingredients for a particular recipe. I am thankful we are not our kitchen pantry. You see, even though our kitchen pantry might lack certain culinary ingredients, we have all the requisite personal ingredients to live a happy and fulfilling life. Unlike your kitchen cabinet, you have all the ingredients to complete your life’s recipe. There is nothing missing from you. You are as intended and as required.

I often hear people lament, “If only I was smarter, I’d be richer.” Or, “If only I went to college, I’d be happier.” Or, “If only I was taller, I’d be better.” Rubbish. You are the complete package right now. You do not need the extra ingredients to live the life you want. All the ingredients for your success reside within you. Step into the kitchen of life and start cooking! Don’t worry about what you think should be in your personal pantry. Fortune favors the brave. Call up your instinctive courage. If you dream it, you can do it! All the ingredients are there in you.

For help using your personal ingredients and cooking up the life you desire, visit my website at www.AmericasMindsetMechanic.com or email me at Julie@AmericasMindsetMechanic.com.

Dredging

By Julie Rahm


It is the “dead of winter” in Pamlico County. The fish have left the creeks to winter in warmer waters. In their absence, the authorities issue dredging permits. Dredges fascinate me. These floating machines pump millions of gallons of spoil from our creeks, rivers and inlets. The dredges that work the inlets are massive. They have huge spinning augers that grind the bottom. The auger is moved back and forth across the bottom until the prescribed depth is obtained. Located directly behind the auger is the pump inlet that sucks in the lose bottom. The dredge then pumps this spoil to a nearby spoil site. These multi-chambered spoil sites are carefully engineered to capture the muck and let the clean water drain back into creek, river or inlet. I have witnessed some very nasty water get pumped into a spoil site and run tap water clean back into the creek! The dredges that work these creeks and marinas are not the huge monsters that roam the inlets. They are smaller versions. But, they still perform some remarkable feats. Spoil can get pumped over a mile to its final resting place. Some dredges look like floating junk yards while others shine like a new car. Dredgers charge for the number of cubic yards they remove. All well-managed marinas have dredging funds in order to maintain their depths. Dredging must be anticipated because it is super expensive.

Interestingly, I have friends who participate in a different form of dredging business. These friends continually dredge up the past. They dredge up their own past to the detriment of others. And, they dredge up the past of others in an attempt to gain a better position in their relationships. Most often, people’s pasts should lie on the bottom. There is very little to be gained by dredging up the dirt. Rarely are relationships made better by reliving the past. The relationship I have with my husband, John will not be improved by rehashing his relationship with his first wife. And, vice versa, I’m sure John doesn’t want to hear the sordid details about my first marriage. We should learn from our previous experiences and even share the lessons learned. Incidentally, that’s what I’m doing here! But, the hurtful details should be kept firmly on the bottom. Don’t be a dredger.

Those who persist in dredging through their relationships don’t realize they are burying their relationship in the dirt they are pumping. Once the relationship spoil site is full, the relationship will end. Dredging channels is expensive. Likewise, the injury caused by dredging up the past can also be expensive. Damaged relationships are expensive and difficult to repair. And, relationships can be even more expensive, both financially and personally, if they end.

So, the past is gone. Commit to the moment and look to the future. Don’t dredge harmful channels through relationships. Relationships are difficult enough without introducing a hurtful past.

Visit my website and get a mindset tune-up at www.AmericasMindsetMechanic.com. Check out my latest book at http://www.militarykidsspeak.com/.

Volun-Cheers

By Julie Rahm

Three cheers for volunteers! As America’s Mindset Mechanic, I inevitably coach non-profit directors who lead volunteers. Leading volunteers can be both challenging and rewarding. When a manager has underachieving volunteers, I first attempt to improve the manager’s understanding. The wise say, “Seek first to understand”. So, it is important to understand why the volunteer volunteers. Even the most minor of issues won’t be resolved if the manager doesn’t understand why the volunteer is there. Six basic reasons for volunteering come to mind.

The first is recognition and feedback. Most volunteers seek to be recognized for their contributions. Public recognition may not be required. The recognition can be quiet appreciation from their manager or from the people they serve. A simple “Thank-you” can go a long way to re-motivate a volunteer. Recognition and feedback cure most of the challenges managers may have with volunteers.

The second reason for volunteering is personal growth. Volunteers learn on the job. The volunteer finds the learning fulfilling enough to keep coming back and contributing more.

Third is giving something back. The volunteer has been fortunate in some way. And now, the volunteer is returning the good fortune.

Fourth is bringing about social change. Many people volunteer for prison programs. These volunteers want to change lives and improve the lot of others. When my husband John was in prison, I first met him there while volunteering. (I’m only kidding about that! It was the Marine Corps.)

Family ties are the fifth reason. Often, people join their family members who are volunteers. When John or I decide to volunteer, we inevitably sweep each other into the cause.

Lastly, people volunteer for friendship, support, bonding and a feeling of belonging. Social needs are fulfilled when people volunteer as a part of a group. Accomplishment as a group can be very rewarding.

During the aftermath of hurricane Irene, volunteers were abundant. Neighborhoods were drawn together as residents came to each others aid. Often, it was those who were hurt the worst that gave the most. Our neighbor’s house was damaged far worse than ours. But, we are still thankful for their electric extension cord that kept our refrigerator alive until power was restored. In another case, a Pamlico County neighbor, who was totally isolated without a car, a phone, or electricity, barbequed the contents of his freezer thus feeding his neighborhood for days.

I also have great admiration for our local first responders. Despite their personal situations, they volunteered all over Pamlico County. A volunteer fireman’s home in our neighborhood was completely trashed by the hurricane. Disregarding the condition of his home, he was at the firehouse for weeks helping distribute food and water.

“Others first” seemed to be the cultural theme in the last quarter of 2011. I hope hurricane Irene gave us a taste of service and a big appetite to continue. Volunteering can be one of the most rewarding experiences of a lifetime. The return on your investment will be immeasurable. Visit my websites at http://www.americasmindsetmechanic.com/ and http://www.militarykidsspeak.com/!

FighterLights

By Julie Rahm

I am married to a former Marine fighter pilot. I say former because John has been retired for three years. In his retirement, John has calmed himself and worked hard to fit into Pamlico County society. He is far less competitive than when he was flying jets for the Marine Corps.

The inherent competitive nature of Marine fighter pilots cannot be overstated. At every opportunity, they are trained to win. As the famous football coach Vince Lombardi said, “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing”. Marine pilots think like Coach Lombardi. As you can imagine, flying jets from ships in the middle of the ocean during dark and stormy nights is not for the meek. The alternative to success during these events can be catastrophic. However, the drive to compete and win can have unintended consequences.

We were living on base at Marine Corps Air Station Cherry Point. It was Christmas. Lights were hung on most of the houses. Across from us lived the Smith family. They had a particularity beautiful display of lights in their front yard. John and Major Smith were friends since the beginning of time. The two men deployed together on numerous occasions and knew more about one another than men should. However, this season, John grew weary of the Smith Christmas light accolades. Competition reared its ugly head. One expensive trip to WalMart and now, we had the best Christmas lights on the street! Not to be outdone, Major Smith retaliated by adding even more lights. The back and forth competition continued for over a week. It reminded me of the nuclear arms race in miniature. Each fighter pilot was determined to best the other. Eventually, the military police had to direct traffic because everyone was driving into the cul-de-sac to see the two light displays. There were thousands of lights on the two houses. There was some legitimate concern the blazing lights could blind the other pilots attempting to land at night. I am not exaggerating. The end of the escalation was not in sight. Both men were buying all the outdoor lighting for sale in Craven County. And, with John, nothing is over until he says it’s over. But, this aerial combat of Christmas lights was ended suddenly.

John and Major Smith were simultaneously summoned to the Commanding General’s office. The General had a sense of humor failure over the Christmas light competition. After spending what seemed liked hours hearing the General’s perspective on the light competition, both men emerged from the General’s office with new understanding. John described it as “getting my face sanded with eighty grit sandpaper”. Major Smith said his face got burned from the heat coming off the General.

I’m sure the General’s scolding was unpleasant. I was secretly thankful. Christmas is not about the glow of house lights. The spirit of Christmas comes from within and reminds us that love and light reside in all of us. Merry Christmas from your Mindset Mechanic! Visit my websites at http://www.americasmindsetmechanic.com/ and http://www.militarykidsspeak.com/!

Coefficient of Friction

By Julie Rahm

This week, my husband, John was stepping off our boat when his cell phone fell into the water. Even more unfortunate; the cell phone was in his pocket! You see, the steps were wet from the morning dew. When his front foot touched down on the wet plastic steps, his slick bottomed, four-year-old Crocs failed to provide an adequate coefficient of friction. His fall into the water allowed me to use my University of Nebraska physics degree one more time.

The static friction coefficient between two solid surfaces is defined as the ratio of the tangential force required to produce sliding divided by the normal force between the surfaces. Clearly, John has not studied enough physics! His front foot slipped forward. John attempted to regain his balance by getting his back foot down onto something solid. Unfortunately, he stepped down onto the thin air between the boat and pier. At this exact moment, the coefficient of friction gave way to gravity. And, another opportunity for physics!

Newton's law of universal gravitation states that every point mass in the universe attracts every other point mass with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. A simple enough concept from 1687! Had John studied physics instead of PhysEd, he would still have a cell phone! Regardless, he hurled toward the water accelerating at 32 feet-per-second squared until his chest caught the edge of the pier. As you remember, Newton’s first law states the velocity of a body remains constant unless the body is acted upon by an external force. And, John’s body was definitely acted upon by the static force of the pier! One good bounce and splash, he was in the water and swimming, with his cell phone in his pocket.

As soon as John hit the water, the second law of thermodynamics kicked in. The law asserts that when two isolated systems in separate but nearby regions of space, each in thermodynamic equilibrium in itself, are at some time allowed to interact allowing them to exchange matter or energy, they will eventually reach a mutual thermodynamic equilibrium. You see, when John hit the water, the two systems interacted. John and the water were going to reach thermodynamic equilibrium. Simply, John was going to freeze if he didn’t get out of the water and dry off quickly. He confirmed the second thermodynamic law by uttering, “Wow, the water is cold.” John swam to our dingy platform and pulled himself out of the cold water.

John is no worse for the experience. A skinned shin, a bruised wrist, bruised ribs and loss of a cell phone are minor compared to the other possible outcomes. Life can unexpectedly turn on a dime. So, I encourage everyone to savor the moments of their lives. Enjoy and care for your blessings. Because, in a splash, they can be gone. Can you tell I've been watching late night Big Bang Theory re-runs? Visit my websites at http://http://www.themindsetmechanic.com/ and http://www.militarykidsspeak.com/ for more inspiration!

Do you know a child who is struggling with the challenges and pain of being part of a military family? Give them the gift of Military Kids Speak and help them exhale into their lives by learning they are not alone and how peers handle their feelings.  Get Military Kids Speak at Amazon.com (click here)!

No Failure to Launch

By Julie Rahm
My father graduated from the University of Nebraska with a master’s degree in physics. After joining the Navy, he was hired by the infamous Admiral Rickover to teach at the Navy’s Nuclear Power School in California. Admiral Rickover was the father of the Nuclear Navy and largely responsible for the nation’s nuclear power program. Admiral Rickover was hyperactive, political, blunt, confrontational, insulting and flamboyant. He was also a workaholic who, without regard for rank or position, was always demanding of himself and others. Moreover, Admiral Rickover had little tolerance for mediocrity, none for stupidity. “If a man is dumb," said a Chicago friend, "Rickover thinks he ought to be dead.”

My father confirms this assessment of Admiral Rickover. During my father’s employment interview at the Nuclear Power School, Admiral Rickover reviewed my father’s college transcripts and noticed my father had earned all “A”s and only one “B”. The one “B” caught the Admiral’s attention and he demanded to know if my father was lazy or stupid! Of course, neither is true. Admiral Rickover hired my father.

Later in life, my father was employed by NASA’s Space Program. He worked on the Space Shuttle main engines. People tease others about their intelligence naming them “rocket scientists”. However, my father truly is an actual rocket scientist. At my house, every Space Shuttle launch was a big deal. There was huge anticipation. It was imperative to launch the Space Shuttle on time. Any delay would be opportunity lost and millions of dollars wasted. My father understands the necessity of a timely launch. So, when I became of age to get “launched” I was well prepared. When I graduated from high school, I was getting launched out of the house, either to college or to my own self-supported life. No doubt about it. There was not going to be any parental welfare for me. I was not going to hang around the house while “I found myself”. And, once launched, I was not ever coming back. It was clear to me I had to choose my husband wisely. There would no returning home with my ex-husband’s children. I was raised to be a self-supporting independent woman.

My father’s tough love seems harsh both then and now. But, he understood what love is. Love is not dependency. Dependency in physically healthy adults is a manifestation of a mental illness or defect. Dependency may appear to be love because it is a force that causes people to fiercely attach themselves to one another. Dependency is not love. It is anti-love. Dependency has its genesis in a parental failure to love and it perpetuates failure. It nourishes infantilism rather than growth. Dependency works to trap and constrict rather than to liberate. Ultimately, it destroys rather than builds relationships. And, it destroys rather than builds people. My thanks to Dr. M. Scott Peck whose book The Road Less Traveled enabled me to understand what my father knew all along. Visit my websites at http://www.themindsetmechanic.com/ and http://www.militarykidsspeak.com/.